When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
