please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
