Will you blow on my dice?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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