Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
