i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
