look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
