so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
