So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I AM VODKA MAN
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize