My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize