THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
