I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
