Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
