God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
