A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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