Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
