she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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