seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
