TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
