if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize