I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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