We won't sleep together?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
