Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
