Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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