New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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