is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
