I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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