saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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