come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
