and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
