he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have aggressive nipples.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize