she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
