I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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