my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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