just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
