I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
