I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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