as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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