Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
