New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
