so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
