How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
