Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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