do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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