this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
