If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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