I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
