i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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