so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
