I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
