my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
