I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
