Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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