Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
