worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
