Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
