He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
