Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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