What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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