That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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